My Excellent Garbage Adventure, Part I

So last week we at Casa de Codo were the proud recipients of the city’s new, improved nuclear blastproof Robo-Garbage Cans, large enough for a week’s garbage from a family of four (or housing for 4 illegal aliens).  We received specific written instructions that

1. cans were to be placed exactly in the position where they had been delivered come Garbage Day
2. pickup would be twice a week, once for "real" garbage (in the BROWN can), and once for recyclables (in the BLUE can)
3. robo-garbage service would begin promptly on Monday, June 29

All very nice, but the Garbage Can Man didn’t make a good first impression, since

1. he arbitrarily decided to place my cans around the corner and half a block away from my driveway, where I have placed my garbage can for some 20 years,
2. the farookin’ cans are too big to fit alongside two decidely compact sports cars in my garage, and
3. he omitted to mention which day was Blue Can Day and which was Brown Can Day.

Chill out, my wife said, and she checked out the robo-garbage schedule at the convenient city website.  She found a map and a schedule:  Mondays are Brown Can Days, and Thursdays are Blue Can Days.  Cool, today was Brown Can Day.

So 6am this morning, I waddle out in my bathrobe and drag The Brown Can around the corner to its Appointed Place.  Around 8am, when I’m about to leave for work, I notice most of my neighbors think it’s Blue Can Day, so I doublechecked my map and schedule.  Sure enough, schedule says Brown Can Day.  I will check out the can in the afternoon and see who’s got the Right Color Can.

I got home about 6pm and eagerly went out to see the results of the Great Can Experiment:  the can had not moved, and still contained garbage.  Thinking I had somehow blown it, I went inside and cheerfully asked the Mrs "What the f*ck is going on with the garbage?"  She checks the schedule, echoes my question back to me, and calls the city help line (311, in case you, too, still have garbage) to ask them the same question, only polite-like. 

Mrs A reports that, yes, today was Brown Can Day for our neighborhood, there were a lot of missed pick-ups, that a work order has been issued (SA 311 has a special data entry screen for uncollected garbage), that the contractor has 2 days to correct his mistake, and that if it isn’t picked up by Wednesday, we will get a call with an explanation.  My wife got the distinct impression that the 311 workday had been jammed with similar calls, and they were not yet tapering off. "Put the can back out," she says.  "Yes, dear," I reply and comply, since Getting With the Program is greatly esteemed in our household.

So my Brown Robo-Can is sitting by the curb, pining away for the truck with the robot claw to come empty him, and I expect he’ll have to wait the full 2 days, and then be content with some lame explanation from some poor contractor PR flunky, or a Public Works clerk, or the Mayor, or maybe President Obama, who seems to be apologizing to everyone else who’s got a gripe. 

I’m thinking my first impression of Robo-Garbage was probably correct and this is just another techo-jerkoff that wastes money and pisses me off.  However, I will await developments, and one hopes, improvements.  Stay tuned for Part II.